A Self Realization

I've been lying to myself my whole life, and it took me this long to realize it. You know when you take those personality tests, they are never really accurate. This is because you dont put down what you really are, you put down what you want yourself to be. You put down your alter ego that you would just love to be, but can't. As for me, I've lied to myself over and over again, because I actually believed I was who I wrote down on those tests. Which goes to the whole point of writing this..
I figured out today, I am, infact, not a relaxed, easy going person that I always "thought" I was. Now to deny that I am never that type isn't true either. I have my days of chilling, not caring about much of anything; But most of the time, I am not this type of personality. I find myself tense and a worry-rat in a lot of situations. I always have to be on-time for some reason. I am rarely late; and when I am, I feel guilty. I guess certain situations bring out the easy-going side of me, and certain ones bring the tense/stressed side of me. But to say that I am always easy-going, carefree, and stress-free is just a lie. Therefore, I have been lied to, by my own self.

Maybe it's just because finals are a stressful time, that I'm feeling this way. I see other people just not caring about studying, and I dont understand how they can do that. College isn't free, and we sure as hell aren't paying $16,000 a year to get a graduate degree in partying.
Only 2 to go. Let's do this.

oh yes. a link to my old blog.
http://snwsk8r33.livejournal.com/